July 11th, 2006

Moi

Letter to our pets

I received the following e-mail from my grandmother and thought you all might get as much of a kick out of it as we did. <3<3

To our pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing
your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
Sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space Is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite sometime,
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other
dog's/cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following
notice on our front door:

1. The pets live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why it's call "fur-niture".)

3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted
son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
They don't ask for money all the time
They are easier to train
They usually come when called
They don't hang out with drug-using friends
They don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
If they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
fantasia flower

I own the bed

Mom took all the stuff off the bed to wash it because she claims we make it dirty. I am sure she means Tanner. Once all the stuff was on the floor Doofus had to try to get me to play...but I was NOT having it. This video should be all the proof you need that I might be the most tortured Boston in America...heck in the WORLD! My dad yells at doofus at the end, but he still keeps on yelling at me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOL4FtH2rTs
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
hipster

(no subject)

Today we took Skeeter to Niagara Falls (we live about 12 minutes away), as it's one of the only places that doesn't make his skin and eyes itchy and red (plus there are very few dogs for him to snarl at--although there were TWO today, neither of which he gave a damn about). There is one part on Goat Island that my boyfriend and I like to always go to, and everytime we bring Skeet there, he likes to hop in, lay on the rocks, and hang out in the water and watch the duckies. Today, however, his foot slipped and he went face first into a hole full of water! He still managed to hop back in after shaking off for about ten minutes.

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